I hate this.

"I hate feeling like this. I hate pretending to be okay around you. I hate that you find it so easy while i'm here, trying to hide everything, and even then I can't do that. I hate this. I hate how you make me feel about you. I hate how you make me feel bad about myself. I hate that you look at me like everything is alright, and everything that happened was nothing. I hate that I couldn't stop myself from falling before it was too late. I hate that I can't contain all of this in right now. I hate that you're making me this emotional. I hate what i've become. I hate what I am. I hate how you are. I hate how you treat me. I hate how you aren't treating me like you used too. I hate how you are around people. I hate this. I truly hate this. I hate how this is all my fault. I hate how I know this. I hate that i'm aware that I caused this. I hate that I fell for everything. I hate that I was stupid enough to think things would be different. I hate how I imagined something so childish. I hate myself. I hate this whole situation. I hate how things didn't end up differently. I hate that things turned out like this. I hate that I can't have you. I hate that I want you, of all people. I hate that you make me want to know you. I hate that you make me care about you. I hate how you look at me. I hate how you make me want to hold you and kiss you. I hate that I don't want to let you go. I hate that I don't want to let this go. I hate that I don't mean this much to you. I hate how I know this. Most importantly I hate what you're doing... what I think i'll never hate though, is you... and I think it's because, I love you." - Jackie Reyes

You make me happy. And that alone is an amazing reason to love you.

May 5&6, 2012

Hiyang hiya ako para sa sarili ko. Naiinis ako. Bakit ko hinayaan yung sarili ko na umabot sa ganong point? Nakakaasar! Ngayon alam na nya yung nararamdaman ko lalayo na naman sakin yan. Bakit ba kasi sya ganun? Nakakaasar ah. Pwede naman kasi di na sya lumayo pero i guess hanggang ganun na lang talaga. Di na dapat pilitin pa.

Recap sa party.
Nakarating ako around 9pm. Kasi ang bagal magsalita ni tita susan nung nagmeeting kami. Tapos pagdating jo, wala yung iba kasi nagpunta sa park. Tapos nung pagabi na ng pagabi nagumpisa na yung inuman. Tas hanggang sa nalasing ako. To the point na di ko na kaya sarili ko. Tapos kwento nila na naging emosyonal ako tas paulit ulit. Paulit ulit na sabihin iuwi nyo na ko. Hinahanap nako ng mommy ko at mahal ko si bryan.. Tapos mga walang tulog, as usual.

Di ba pwedeng maging thankful na lang sya dun? Na mahal ko sya hanggang ngaun? Nakakainis! Ang magmahal ng taong tanga. Hahahaha ohwell. Bahala na si batman.

Alam mo kung ano yung nakakainis?

Yung ok na kayo’t lahat. Yung tipong gusto nyo na pareho mabalik yung dating friendship pero napapansin mong lumalayo sya. Di ka na nga awkward sa kanya tapos pag kinausap mo ang tipid ng sagot. Nakakainis lang isipin na ikaw na nga tong kumakausap sa kanya pero sya parang ayaw. Sana kasi kung ayaw mo na, sabihin mo lang. Kaya ko naman na di ka kausapin eh. Nagawa ko nga ng ilang buwan. Kahit anong gawin ko parang ang awkward awkward pa rin para sayo. Yung mga banat ba na sinasabi ko? Wag ka magalala tapos na yun. Di na ko magsasabi ng ganon sayo. Nakakasawa din kaya na maguusap tayo ng maayos tapos after nun parang balik ulit sa dating walang pansinan. Akdfjeudjslalakaldkrjdk!!

Hindi ko alam kung totoo bang nawawala na nararamdaman ko or sinasabi ko lang para tantanan ako ng mga tao kakatanong.. Pero sana soon masabi ko na, na i've had enough. Im tired of hurting.

♥